Betrayal And Disappointment

They say, raise your standards if you want to raise your quality of life! Surely, if I raise my standards this only leads to more disappointments and betrayals?

Let’s unpack it slowly so, make sure you have a cupper of your fav hot drink or cold drink! 😉

Betrayal is the act of betraying someone or when you trust someone, you expect them to uphold their promise or you trust them to act on the best interest for you.

Disappointment is when someone let you down or when you expect someone to do something for you and that something did not materialise or did not happen or when you expect someone to behave in the way you expect them.

I intentionally put the word expect in bold. Both have the common definition, expectations. We expect people to behave in a certain way.

Where am I going with this?

If you changed your expectations with others and situations then you are less likely you get disappointed and feel betrayed. Actually, instead of putting the blame on others, have you tried to ask yourself, how did I get here and why things unfolded the way they do?

We put so much blame and play the victim every time people disappoint us or betray us. But we are accountable for our feelings, the feeling of being betrayed or being disappointed.

I am not saying that you should be a push over and brush it under the carpet.

All I am saying is, we are responsible of how we feel and how we react to situations regardless of how people say or do towards us. We can choose to rise to the occasion and be the better person!

This is where raising your standards come in.

Yes, raise your standards on how you respond to the situation or people. You raise your standard on how to channel those disappointments or betrayals into something worth the while for you.

I never say to turn into a cold person and you will never be hurt. Of course, you will be hurt and it is ok to take some time to reflect on the situations but never let weeks or months or years to pass by. Otherwise, it will turn it into obsession or worse, depression.

You may say, but I feel rubbish and I cannot move forward.

Never let that dialogue in your head or that tiny voice in your head to tell you what you can and cannot do. Take back the control, take the accountability and find something to hold on to. It maybe your family or equally yourself. Remember, no matter how tough your situation right now or whatever you are going through, always know, that there is someone out there who is worse off than you, who is willing to die just to have the life that you have right now or even just to have another 24 hours of their remaining time in this world.

How do I move from here?

Well, instead of rehearsing the situation in your head or thinking about the person or people who betrayed or disappointed you, think of something productive. Channel those energy on something that gives you progress. Start a new project or new hobby and surround yourself with people who have the best interest at heart for you.

So how did I know this?

I had my own moments of disappointment and betrayal. I had past relationships that let me down or when I failed betrayed. There were friendships that I had to let go and welcome the new as a result of it.

My lessons?  I learnt compassion, love and kindness.

• Compassion.

I always put myself in someone else’s shoe. I know deep down, whatever the façade of that person, they have family or they might be going through worse than I am going through or simply, they are just the way they are because they never had someone to look up to or they had rough life.

Seeing people in this light gives me more control of my feelings and it relieves me from the negative thoughts or negative energy. Instead, it gives me a better head space to deal with the situation head on and not be clouded by negative and destructive emotions.

• Love.

I learnt to forgive, understand the person and myself. This is not an easy one but it takes a lot of maturity and  wisdom to be able to give love to others especially in tough situations. But you cannot give love though, if you do not forgive let alone love yourself.  Growing up, love is like a taboo like sex. Not a lot of people are open how they feel to others or even to humanity in general. I think technology is not helping it. We are so technologically connected but socially disconnected. Expressing how we feel seems a very hard ask from most people.

• Kindness.

This may seem odd to you especially when you feel being betrayed or disappointed from people, the less likely you are going to be kind to them! I never say not to be honest to yourself. I am saying, you need to help yourself to get through the situation before you can be kind to the person who have caused you to feel betrayed or disappointed.

I say be kind because, like love, do yourself the service first before you can be of help to others.

To me, being kind to myself help me re-evaluate my self-worth. No one can make me feel rubbish or crap without my permission. It comes down to how I like to be treated and it starts from within.

When you get up then spread the kindness. Remember, just because you have been betrayed or disappointed, it does not mean everyone is like that. Kind people, attract kind people. Mean people, attract mean people.

Moral of the story?

Everything in life, people or situation, they are sent to us to help us grow as a person at the right time in our journey. I always see it like in a game. The closer we are to our goal, the tougher the obstacles. But each round prepares us to the next level in the game.

Have you ever thought that we might be in a game that is called life?

We all have something to play with it. We can change the rule however and whenever we want.

We always have the choice and each choice defines our standards.

So, how do you choose to play your game?

Until next time, take care and Namaste!

M💗e 🙂