“I will never love again,” “I’m not going to fall in love at all.” If you’ve been hurt before, you might have said these words, especially after a painful breakup. It’s completely normal to feel this way, to shield yourself from further pain. But here’s a truth that might surprise you: saying you’ll never love again is more than just a defense mechanism—it’s a barrier to discovering a richer, more fulfilling life.
Why Is It So Hard to Fall in Love Again?
When you’ve experienced intense hurt, the idea of opening your heart to someone new can feel daunting. Your conscious mind is doing its job, trying to protect you from potential pain. However, what if I told you that loving someone despite the risk of getting hurt is one of the bravest things you can do? It’s not just about facing fears; it’s about growing and learning more about yourself.
The Courage to Love Again
Falling in love again isn’t just about finding a new partner—it’s about understanding yourself better. The past relationships, with all their ups and downs, teach you invaluable lessons. They help you understand what you can and cannot tolerate, what you value, and where you need to draw boundaries.
I’m speaking from personal experience. Having survived domestic violence, I once thought shutting myself off from love was the safest route. Yet, that mindset only led me into a cycle of isolation and fear. It took time, but I realized that protecting my heart by avoiding love was not living at all.
How to Stop Being Scared of Falling in Love
Acknowledge Your Fear: Recognize that fear is a natural response to past pain. It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let it dictate your future.
Learn from Your Experiences: Reflect on past relationships and identify the lessons they taught you. What did you learn about your needs, boundaries, and desires?
Open Your Heart: Even though it sounds cliché, an open heart is a resilient one. Embrace life and relationships with optimism. The more you focus on learning and growing, the more fulfilling your experiences will be.
Focus on Positive Growth: Instead of dwelling on the negatives, try to see every situation as a learning opportunity. This shift in perspective will help you see love in a new light.
Rewire Your Brain: Actively work on focusing your thoughts on positive aspects rather than what could go wrong. This mental shift can change how you approach relationships.
Moving Forward with an Open Heart
Remember, there’s no point in going through life with a heart locked away in fear. Embrace the lessons from past experiences, and approach new relationships with an open heart. Trust that your strength and resilience will guide you through.
Love again, not just because you seek it, but because you deserve it. Life is too short to let fear dictate your journey. Open your heart, learn from every experience, and know that you have the strength to overcome whatever comes your way.
Have you ever wondered about your true worth? What defines your value? Is it the money in your bank account, the number of followers on social media, or perhaps the success you flaunt to the world? Imagine if you were stripped of everything – would you feel worthless? Let’s dive deep into this question, a topic that often surfaces during my past life regression sessions with clients.
The Essence of Self-Worth: A Lesson from Past Life Regression
During these sessions, a common thread emerges: as clients relive their past lives and find themselves on their deathbeds, a powerful realization hits them. We are all playing characters, much like celebrities in Hollywood. Each lifetime is a role, a journey filled with lessons we need to learn.
As clients reflect on their lives during these regressions, one thing becomes clear – when you’re facing your final moments, what truly matters is the legacy of lessons and experiences, not the material possessions or social accolades. On your deathbed, it’s not about how many followers you have, the amount of money in your account, or even the physical enhancements you’ve made. It’s about the wisdom and growth you’ve achieved.
Are You Enough? Understanding Your Self-Worth
The big question is, “Is your self-worth externalized?” Do you measure your value based on worldly possessions and achievements? If your self-worth depends on external factors, you’ll find it hard to achieve true freedom.
Yes, we need money to navigate daily life, but that doesn’t define who we are. Many of us are so blinded by the need for social approval that it cripples our happiness. Ask yourself, if everything was taken away – your cash, home, and social following – would you still feel worthy?
How to Improve and Increase Self-Worth
To improve self-worth, you need to look inward. Your value comes from your inner core, your true values. It’s about understanding and embracing what genuinely matters to you beyond materialistic gains.
Reflect on your life and ask, “Am I here to conform and please others, or am I here to learn and grow?” When life throws challenges your way, it’s essential to draw lessons from these experiences rather than be swayed by societal expectations.
Creating a Legacy: Your Deathbed Reflection
Imagine yourself at the end of your life, reflecting on your journey. What is your deathbed legacy when you pass away? Will you see a life driven by the pursuit of external validation, or will you find peace in knowing you lived authentically and learned valuable lessons?
Embracing Inner Values Over Worldly Possessions
To sum it up, real self-worth is about being a positive force for change, not being blinded by materialistic pursuits. It’s about setting a standard for others through your authentic actions and learning from every situation.
Final Thoughts
Remember, life isn’t about pleasing others or accumulating wealth for the sake of it. It’s about personal growth and the impact you have on the world. When things get overwhelming, ask yourself if you are here to conform or to be true to your inner self and values.
Take care and keep shining, because you are worth it. Bye for now!
By reflecting on these points, not only can we improve our self-worth, but we can also find a deeper connection to our true selves. If you’re ready to explore this journey further, consider joining my sessions or attending our upcoming workshops. Together, we can unlock your true potential and help you live a life of authentic fulfillment.
We often think, “I’m a strong woman; I’ll never fall prey to any abuse or exploitation.” But you’d be surprised to know that even the strongest among us can find themselves in such situations. It’s not just the weak or vulnerable who face abuse. So, what causes abuse—whether physical, mental, or emotional? The obvious reason is trauma.
Understanding Trauma and Its Impact
Trauma, in my view, consists of unprocessed memories tied to heavy emotions. When unchecked, these memories can lead to poor decisions, false narratives, and distorted self-beliefs. Let me share a personal example. I’ve been open about my experience with domestic violence. In hindsight, I realized that my false sense of self-worth was the primary reason I fell into that situation. I believed I was strong and invincible, but unresolved traumas and the lack of a healthy role model contributed to my vulnerability.
Recognizing the Signs of Emotional Trauma
Many women, and men, fall for the wrong person because of unprocessed traumas. They get exploited, even when they believe they are strong. It can start innocently enough—a nice meal, sweet words—but before you know it, you’re being forced into situations you never imagined.
Preventing Abuse and Exploitation
To avoid falling into this trap, it’s crucial to get comfortable with knowing yourself. Reflect on these questions:
Do you seek validation and approval online?
Is your self-worth tied to fame, power, or social media likes?
Are you uncomfortable being alone?
If your sense of self is fixated on external validation, you can easily be exploited. Feeling incomplete or uncomfortable on your own makes you susceptible to manipulation.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
It’s okay to fall in love, but you need to know where to draw the line. Healthy boundaries are essential. Learn to communicate your standards and say no. Without these skills, you risk exploitation. Critical thinking and fact-checking are your allies. Don’t blindly follow the allure of gifts, cash, or luxurious dinners. If your self-worth is externalized, you become an easy target.
Knowing Yourself and Recognizing Red Flags
Understanding who you are and what you stand for is crucial. Know your non-negotiables and the red flags to watch for. If you can assertively say no and recognize when something isn’t right, you’re less likely to be exploited. Trust is earned over time, not overnight. Keep asking the right questions, maintain your standards, and ensure your relationships are balanced.
Remember, trust must be earned, and no one should be placed on a pedestal. Space and time are your friends—they give you the clarity and breathing room to evaluate your relationships rationally.
Stay strong and true to yourself. There’s so much more to explore on how to prevent abuse and heal from trauma. Stay tuned for more insights and guidance.
I miss You! Yes, you, the other side of me that I was neglecting again in my pursuit to temporarily meet the expectation from my day job!
My main income stream is a data engineer during the day. My QHHT practice is a sideline as I continue to gain more experience in the field as a practitioner. I enjoy what I do. Both fields are on the opposite side of the spectrum; one is mostly logic-driven (left brain) and the hypnosis is the creative side of the brain.
I have been doing my day job for 11 years and yes, it’s been a long time. I’d like to believe that I am fairly good when it comes to data engineering or any technical subjects which relate to data. I flourish in this field. However, the more technical experience you get in a role comes with high demand or sometimes the more specialist the role is, the likely you are to be a key dependency. I do not want to discuss what are the different options to avoid this because this is not the reason for my blog today.
No matter how healthy you want to live your life from re-wiring new habits or learning new fields or having deep social connection or spiritual growth still, you cannot escape getting dragged back to the hamster wheel like everyone else, the rat race! The wheel is a metaphoric representation of doing the same thing over and over again. In this case, go to work, deliver and get a paycheck at the end of the month, pay bills then repeat the process until you retire. This is what I mean by the hamster wheel. Until you know how to break the wheel and be bold to do something different than everyone else, then you are always bound to the hamster wheel.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my day job otherwise, I would not be staying in the same field for 11 years. However, as you learn more about yourself through life’s experiences, you realise that work is not life rather work is only a tiny part of life. This is what we sometimes forget. It is easy to go to autopilot, wake up the next day and think I have to deliver this task or this project. Log out and still you are thinking about work, how to get the computer code that you have been tinkering to work or the content of your presentation. All for the name of work.
Relapse
This is where I got myself stuck again. Work was creeping back into my personal life to a point that I barely invest in myself.
Hence, I miss you! You, the part in me that is fun, bold, creative and open to whatever life throws at me and even my sense of peace. This was disrupted until today. I realised that I have not been taking care of myself like I normally do and the project that I am working on at my day job has been consuming most of my brainpower even when I logged out. The last 3 months had been hectic. The only routine that I have been consistently doing is my meditation twice a day. This alone is slowly slipping away because I was not sleeping much during at night thinking about my day job and the next morning when I meditate I was too sleepy. Meditating was becoming a chore than a bliss.
Lack of sleep
Which lead to my next point, lack of sleep. This one is a killer! The moment you stop getting the right amount of sleep based on your circadian rhythm then things are about to go downhill. Your serotonin goes down – happy chemicals in your brain. As a result, your brain thinks you are in hunger mode or lack of fuel then it tries to send different signals to your body that you need “sugar”! Yes, sugar especially high carbs food to compensate for the chemicals lacking in your brain.
Cravings with vengeance
Believe me, the cravings went back with vengeance! I was on sugar cravings for all desserts, cream tea for lunch and appetiser for supper (yikes!). I ate lots of crisps with cheese, ice creams with brownies and strawberries with chocolate glazing! Yup, I was overindulging and to a point that my skin was slowly breaking out.
I started to binge-watch different films or watch Youtube as my way of shutting from my day job. I was buying takeaway meals because I couldn’t bother to cook. Takeaway food is not as healthy as home cook meals aside from the fact that it is so much cheaper to cook at home.
When you just thought it couldn’t get any worse, there were more. I was no longer investing in myself. You see, every after my day job, I made a habit to read for at least one hour a day. Learn new ideas and learn from authors. I was too busy helping other people that I was neglecting my personal growth! I used to read one book every week and I realised I barely touch my e-book let alone my hard copy books. I felt I was drowning and I was slowly losing control of my reality!
How did I know this?
Well, I just broke down during my 1-2-1 with my boss!
All of I sudden I was projecting my frustrations outward as though the world owes me! Then it hit me and I realised I was really in deep trouble. I was relapsing and something drastic must be changed quickly. Otherwise, it would be too late and I would be undoing the hard work I have been investing in myself and my overall wellbeing. I was checking my previous blog and I realised I stopped growing, I stopped making time for myself and I was slipping back again to the old habit which was living to work.
Bouncing back
When I realised this, I went in and reviewed what were the things that make me enjoy being me, being myself – this is why I am blogging and sharing this journey with you. This is one of the things that I missed a lot. By sharing my imperfections so you, who is reading this now, can relate and hopefully help you face your journey knowing that you are not alone! I have selected two books that I am going to finish in the next 4 weeks. I have cut down massively my sugar intake and I am working on to re-adjust my sleep pattern. No more binge-watching and simply quiet nights with my books!
There is nothing wrong with relapse, slipping back to the old habits.
What truly matters is how you pick yourself up again, recompose and reframe your life again back on track. In this adventure that is called life, there is always sit backs and this is fine too. Just never stay there, never give up and be honest with yourself. Reach out to the inner side of you, your Higher Self – listen to it. Equally important, trust the timing of your life because you are where you need to be!
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